Great Expectations!

I write this blog in a state of mind that is not very optimistic. May be I am too young to see life with such a viewpoint as I do now but right now this is how I am !
As each day is passing by, I am learning new lessons, facing realities that have been striking me on the face. Things have turned out beyond my expectations or contrary to them, I must say. At times I feel that I have lost my ability to reason and to judge, to look through people and circumstances; I get carried away too soon and jump to decisions without second thoughts. What worsens this state is the fact that I cannot even decide who or what to blame for this chaos.
Since my childhood I have been an honest person, truthful in all my dealings and transactions. This is what I had always been expecting in return but unfortunately rarely could I get such a reciprocation or if I did I was maybe immature not to sense it. My experiences have time and again proven to me that I shouldn't expect in return the same position from others that I have given to them. These expectations are the greatest cause of disappointments and in my case some blows to my self esteem. Again I cannot be sure as to what I write is correct or is it that I have been influenced by some useless thoughts but like I said this is how I am right now and I cannot change it, all I know is that I am alone in this huge scary world where I have to come upto several expectations myself, I hope that I survive and emerge a winner!